Yes, I think the home environment has such a massive role in the social skills a person has to…

And god, yes, abuse changes the equation so much and it's such a common yet unseen social force. Another example of it that comes to mind…

Yes, I think the home environment has such a massive role in the social skills a person has to develop early on to survive -- and it intersects with all the gender stuff so much too. In my family (and I think a lot of white midwestern ones of our class background), femininity was actually pretty suspect unless it was treated as a rare thing for special events only. Otherwise you were supposed to be low maintenance and no nonsense, with makeup only to cover how tired you looked but never to make you feel pretty or to draw attention. It was much better to have a decent job and play sports and like running around with your dogs than it was to be a delicate cupcake in a dress. Yet when TERFy folks talk about gender socialization it's like we're all expected to be little glass dolls as kids or something. Tomboy was the desired category in my home.

And god, yes, abuse changes the equation so much and it's such a common yet unseen social force. Another example of it that comes to mind is how the eldest kid in an abusive home often has to take on a caretaker role, or a quasi parent role -- I know boys, girls, all kinds of people who have been through that. And the younger or middle kids often have to become peacekeepers or entertainers. That kind of socialization really digs a deep groove in you, and it doesn't fall along simple binary lines.