Very compelling. It’s beautiful how you start this piece in those horrifying, frozen moments and gradually melt us into the warmth of unified liberation.
Thank you for putting words to, and helping make sense of, my experience... and food for thought for even more.
(I am, I think, so accustomed to various forms of predation that when cis male colleagues treat me like a person, I feel like I'm being treated differently and I don't understand the rules of engagement. I AM being treated differently, but it's not different to other people, it's different than what I'm accustomed to. Holy cow. This is huge and is going to take some digesting. Thank you.)
As a trans man who is often hypersexualized by cis women, this resonates with me. An online acquaintance just asked me why I can’t orgasm sober. It felt invasive and predatory for this unknown woman to ask me about my genitalia, and get familiar with me as soon as I talked about vaginas. I still feel uncomfortable that as an unknown person she felt entitled to know about my sex life assuming she could “relate” to my trans body while gendering it female.
It's interesting. All he really said was that he felt uncomfortable, and you immediately jump to shouting that it was actually his own fault. You can't possibly know that, so why would you say that?
Mentioning the existence of genitals is not an invitation to be sexually harassed, creep.
"I’ve been stewing on my draft for months, wondering if sharing what happened is warranted."
Yes, yes, and also yes.
Partway through reading this article, I intended to post a comment with what I suspect is the explanation for the two Black teenage girls chasing you down the street with stereotypical male-type abuse of women. Later I realized that you do understand it in much the same way I do, although you used different words to explain it. I'll post my explanation anyway, in case reading someone else saying much the same thing in a different way is (I hope) useful or validating.
I believe the two girls (I call them girls because they were apparently not adult women) had experienced this same sort of harassment themselves from men. They felt angry and resentful and hurt about it (understandably) and wanted to take some sort of revenge. They perceived you as a white man who was nonetheless a safe person for them to retaliate upon. Plus, of course, they had safety in numbers and quite likely were showing off for each other -- just as many men harass women in groups* for the same reasons.
*The men being in groups, not the women. When I've been sexually harassed, it was consistently when I was alone -- and though that's just one data point, I've also never heard a woman talk about being sexually harassed when she was with another woman. I wonder if that does happen.
As a trans woman, I personally experience the most overt hostility from cis men (spitting or shouting) and overt positivity from cis women (compliments, attempts to include etc). However, day to day I usually get the most amount of passive aggressiveness (likely transphobia) from cis women. Typically it'll be making faces or staring when they don't think I'm looking, sales women going away at the sight of me or helping everyone but me, and just general rudeness (so far mostly from cis women with crosses on their necks).
When I was perceived as a guy I had certainly been harassed by cis women (catcalling, unwanted groping, or violence), but in my social role I had always felt that any real response I made to that aggression would make things worse. And I never wanted to be perceived as aggressive.
I feel more like I have some sort of truce with cis women more now than pre-transition as I can at least be included by them. Cis men often surprise me at how kind they can be, but I can never shake that I know they are sexualizing me, and that some of them are prone to real violence. I don't really feel safe with cis people generally, but despite negative experiences I tend to gravitate towards cis women, probably because I just want to be one of the girls.
Anyway, just wanted to share my own experiences in relation to the topic.
Very compelling. It’s beautiful how you start this piece in those horrifying, frozen moments and gradually melt us into the warmth of unified liberation.
Oh.
OHHHHHHHH.
Thank you for putting words to, and helping make sense of, my experience... and food for thought for even more.
(I am, I think, so accustomed to various forms of predation that when cis male colleagues treat me like a person, I feel like I'm being treated differently and I don't understand the rules of engagement. I AM being treated differently, but it's not different to other people, it's different than what I'm accustomed to. Holy cow. This is huge and is going to take some digesting. Thank you.)
As a trans man who is often hypersexualized by cis women, this resonates with me. An online acquaintance just asked me why I can’t orgasm sober. It felt invasive and predatory for this unknown woman to ask me about my genitalia, and get familiar with me as soon as I talked about vaginas. I still feel uncomfortable that as an unknown person she felt entitled to know about my sex life assuming she could “relate” to my trans body while gendering it female.
It's interesting. All he really said was that he felt uncomfortable, and you immediately jump to shouting that it was actually his own fault. You can't possibly know that, so why would you say that?
Mentioning the existence of genitals is not an invitation to be sexually harassed, creep.
Yes it is pervert
Very illuminating, thank you! And also made me view some interactions I had with women before I came out as a trans woman in a new light.
Women can be quite weird (and predatory) when they perceive you as "a different kind of man". (I don't know how else to put it)
Fortunately your bigotry and hateful judgement of vast swaths of the population is the good kind of bigotry and hate, whew that was a close one!
The twisted perverts don’t understand that people are swinging back to normal now because EVERYONE IS SICK OF THEM!!!
I'm a white ciswoman.
"I’ve been stewing on my draft for months, wondering if sharing what happened is warranted."
Yes, yes, and also yes.
Partway through reading this article, I intended to post a comment with what I suspect is the explanation for the two Black teenage girls chasing you down the street with stereotypical male-type abuse of women. Later I realized that you do understand it in much the same way I do, although you used different words to explain it. I'll post my explanation anyway, in case reading someone else saying much the same thing in a different way is (I hope) useful or validating.
I believe the two girls (I call them girls because they were apparently not adult women) had experienced this same sort of harassment themselves from men. They felt angry and resentful and hurt about it (understandably) and wanted to take some sort of revenge. They perceived you as a white man who was nonetheless a safe person for them to retaliate upon. Plus, of course, they had safety in numbers and quite likely were showing off for each other -- just as many men harass women in groups* for the same reasons.
*The men being in groups, not the women. When I've been sexually harassed, it was consistently when I was alone -- and though that's just one data point, I've also never heard a woman talk about being sexually harassed when she was with another woman. I wonder if that does happen.
As a trans woman, I personally experience the most overt hostility from cis men (spitting or shouting) and overt positivity from cis women (compliments, attempts to include etc). However, day to day I usually get the most amount of passive aggressiveness (likely transphobia) from cis women. Typically it'll be making faces or staring when they don't think I'm looking, sales women going away at the sight of me or helping everyone but me, and just general rudeness (so far mostly from cis women with crosses on their necks).
When I was perceived as a guy I had certainly been harassed by cis women (catcalling, unwanted groping, or violence), but in my social role I had always felt that any real response I made to that aggression would make things worse. And I never wanted to be perceived as aggressive.
I feel more like I have some sort of truce with cis women more now than pre-transition as I can at least be included by them. Cis men often surprise me at how kind they can be, but I can never shake that I know they are sexualizing me, and that some of them are prone to real violence. I don't really feel safe with cis people generally, but despite negative experiences I tend to gravitate towards cis women, probably because I just want to be one of the girls.
Anyway, just wanted to share my own experiences in relation to the topic.