I came here from Instagram and I am happy to say that reading this has been absolutely worth my time. I have been thinking about this for a while now – ever since I was a child, I had a tendency to disappear. As a five year old, I loved hiding under my bed. Later, in the early 2000s, I disappeared Into message boards, met my closest friends online, got addicted to alcohol and just generally had one foot out the door, wherever I was. I think, I always tried to be wherever my body was not. Now I have a podcast and most of my other work is online too, so there only is an abstract knowing of my impact (when someone tells me), yet no visceral feeling of "I did good." "I was useful" "I made something a little better". It's what I always wanted, to be as far away from my body as possible, but now that I have it, I long for my actions to be reattached to my body, to feel the impact I have, to see it in my neighborhood, my close friendships, my city. To share rooms with other bodies. Trying to leave the internet is exhausting, it's been my favourite hiding place. And I am sad to realize that it has stopped working for me.
needing desperately to get it back in touch with my body as well. Hope you find things that work for you. so far, for me, a lot of running and biking and taking singing lessons. but I'm still very dissociated from the real.
First, one of my favorite things about you is that you wirte/create/share what you want to how you want to—it’s clear you are not doing the “here’s the best practice” thing, and as someone who has never been able to stick to a content calendar or converge her thoughts into “right-sized” pieces it’s so permission giving and even without you saying it as literally and directly as you do here, the fact that you have fun and do what you want and seem to do it for you, and thus others, comes across. The biggest complaints I get are too long, too complicated, too divergent/all over the place, too off topic, too political, not political enough, not consistent enough, too little content, too much content; which can make you lose your shit, but then I’m like, the people *i* love to read are not consistent, so not follow a formula, write pieces like this one that are 25 minute reads some times, why do I think I need to be some bot when I run from bots and formulas.
Anyway, I’m a little embarrassed about all the energy I’m bringing about this piece and your work but I’ve just recently come back from a long hiatus with a different energy around my content etc and social media use, and I’m having fun, and there’s been this voice of “it’s not possible to have fun, you’re just going back down this path again that will lead to hell” but that doesn’t feel true. Everything you have named in here feels true. Thank you for putting words to this I’m gonna print it out and keep it on my desk. I’m sure this took a lot of work to create.
thank you so much for really seeing what I am trying to do here. I write about what moves me and interests me and if someone isn't here for it, that's fine. The most niche, random topics that I write about get really intentional comments from a handful of people saying they are so happy to finally see the topic discussed, and that's what I want -- to be part of an interesting discussion. You don't need thousands of participants for that.
I have two blogs (neither on substack) and I only realised in the past 6-12 months that I don’t need to have a consistent blogging schedule. I can do fortnightly on one for a few months in a row if I am not doing any paid work. But I can’t keep it up long term. But 1/ literally no-one cares and 2/ i only have so much consistency available and it needs to go to myself, looking after my kid, my relationships etc.
Once I realised posting was for fun, self expression, sharing my thoughts, collating my work - I didn’t have to make money from it and I was very very unlikely to ever do so anyway…. Then it was a weight lifted
if there is ever a piece of mine from medium that you want to be able to read for free on here, just let me know and I will port it to substack if I haven't already!
if there is ever a piece of mine from medium that you want to be able to read for free on here, just let me know and I will port it to substack if I haven't already!
> Many of us become hyperactive social media users because we want desperately to connect. In the depths of our isolation, we reach out in the only way that feels safe, and it works, because the world is filled with other human beings who are longing to be understood, too.
I think it's in the Dawn of Everything where Graeber talks about people forming virtual communities far beyond the range of physical interaction ever since there were people (paraphrasing). The great power of the internet is that we don't have to trek across a continent to talk to each other. That we can actualize these virtual connections into actual relationships. Of course, this human connection is very much incidental to corporate social media, that's just the angle to get you in so they can piss ads into your eyeballs. The point I'm trying to make here is that the human need for connection came first, and social media only took off because in some way it met (some) of that need. Not the other way around.
I think I've mostly avoided the pitfalls of having a somewhat large following, mostly by reaching through the ether and collecting several handfuls of very real, online friendships that sustain me over in DDS. I sometimes start to feel resentment rise inside me when people aren't willing to pay for the stuff I have given away for free for years, but then I catch myself and remind myself that they owe me absolutely nothing, and that I gave away what I did freely, even joyfully, and that I only wish I hadn't when I'm literally afraid I can't pay the bills. But nobody owes me even that. I do cringe with distaste at having to sell stuff, like courses and workshops, but I feel extremely proud of the things I am selling, and I know they are changing lives, so I plug my nose and do it. If/when I am ever in a financial position to not need this income, I would 100% do everything I do now, but for free. Alas, earning money makes most of us do things we'd rather not do.
This could not have come at a better time for me. I'm launching my own newsletter after a devastating job loss and I've been struggling with so many of these questions.
Do I have to dedicate myself to marketing it? I think I have something valuable and relatively new to say (it's about youth liberation/family abolition/social reproduction theory) but is anybody going to care if I can't work the algorithm? Does it matter? I'd like to write a book eventually, is there any way to get published that doesn't involve going through this meat grinder?
I launched the site yesterday. I've been so anxious. Thank you for reminding me not to take it all so seriously. :)
I came here from Instagram and I am happy to say that reading this has been absolutely worth my time. I have been thinking about this for a while now – ever since I was a child, I had a tendency to disappear. As a five year old, I loved hiding under my bed. Later, in the early 2000s, I disappeared Into message boards, met my closest friends online, got addicted to alcohol and just generally had one foot out the door, wherever I was. I think, I always tried to be wherever my body was not. Now I have a podcast and most of my other work is online too, so there only is an abstract knowing of my impact (when someone tells me), yet no visceral feeling of "I did good." "I was useful" "I made something a little better". It's what I always wanted, to be as far away from my body as possible, but now that I have it, I long for my actions to be reattached to my body, to feel the impact I have, to see it in my neighborhood, my close friendships, my city. To share rooms with other bodies. Trying to leave the internet is exhausting, it's been my favourite hiding place. And I am sad to realize that it has stopped working for me.
Anyway,
I appreciate this. Thank you.
needing desperately to get it back in touch with my body as well. Hope you find things that work for you. so far, for me, a lot of running and biking and taking singing lessons. but I'm still very dissociated from the real.
First, one of my favorite things about you is that you wirte/create/share what you want to how you want to—it’s clear you are not doing the “here’s the best practice” thing, and as someone who has never been able to stick to a content calendar or converge her thoughts into “right-sized” pieces it’s so permission giving and even without you saying it as literally and directly as you do here, the fact that you have fun and do what you want and seem to do it for you, and thus others, comes across. The biggest complaints I get are too long, too complicated, too divergent/all over the place, too off topic, too political, not political enough, not consistent enough, too little content, too much content; which can make you lose your shit, but then I’m like, the people *i* love to read are not consistent, so not follow a formula, write pieces like this one that are 25 minute reads some times, why do I think I need to be some bot when I run from bots and formulas.
Anyway, I’m a little embarrassed about all the energy I’m bringing about this piece and your work but I’ve just recently come back from a long hiatus with a different energy around my content etc and social media use, and I’m having fun, and there’s been this voice of “it’s not possible to have fun, you’re just going back down this path again that will lead to hell” but that doesn’t feel true. Everything you have named in here feels true. Thank you for putting words to this I’m gonna print it out and keep it on my desk. I’m sure this took a lot of work to create.
thank you so much for really seeing what I am trying to do here. I write about what moves me and interests me and if someone isn't here for it, that's fine. The most niche, random topics that I write about get really intentional comments from a handful of people saying they are so happy to finally see the topic discussed, and that's what I want -- to be part of an interesting discussion. You don't need thousands of participants for that.
Love this!
I have two blogs (neither on substack) and I only realised in the past 6-12 months that I don’t need to have a consistent blogging schedule. I can do fortnightly on one for a few months in a row if I am not doing any paid work. But I can’t keep it up long term. But 1/ literally no-one cares and 2/ i only have so much consistency available and it needs to go to myself, looking after my kid, my relationships etc.
Once I realised posting was for fun, self expression, sharing my thoughts, collating my work - I didn’t have to make money from it and I was very very unlikely to ever do so anyway…. Then it was a weight lifted
Also thanks so much for linking your article about NPD. I have been trying to find it for ages
if there is ever a piece of mine from medium that you want to be able to read for free on here, just let me know and I will port it to substack if I haven't already!
if there is ever a piece of mine from medium that you want to be able to read for free on here, just let me know and I will port it to substack if I haven't already!
Thank you so much. I wasn’t even sure if you had written a full piece on it until I saw it and realised I had already read the piece.
I’ll know for next time to ask!
> Many of us become hyperactive social media users because we want desperately to connect. In the depths of our isolation, we reach out in the only way that feels safe, and it works, because the world is filled with other human beings who are longing to be understood, too.
I think it's in the Dawn of Everything where Graeber talks about people forming virtual communities far beyond the range of physical interaction ever since there were people (paraphrasing). The great power of the internet is that we don't have to trek across a continent to talk to each other. That we can actualize these virtual connections into actual relationships. Of course, this human connection is very much incidental to corporate social media, that's just the angle to get you in so they can piss ads into your eyeballs. The point I'm trying to make here is that the human need for connection came first, and social media only took off because in some way it met (some) of that need. Not the other way around.
I think I've mostly avoided the pitfalls of having a somewhat large following, mostly by reaching through the ether and collecting several handfuls of very real, online friendships that sustain me over in DDS. I sometimes start to feel resentment rise inside me when people aren't willing to pay for the stuff I have given away for free for years, but then I catch myself and remind myself that they owe me absolutely nothing, and that I gave away what I did freely, even joyfully, and that I only wish I hadn't when I'm literally afraid I can't pay the bills. But nobody owes me even that. I do cringe with distaste at having to sell stuff, like courses and workshops, but I feel extremely proud of the things I am selling, and I know they are changing lives, so I plug my nose and do it. If/when I am ever in a financial position to not need this income, I would 100% do everything I do now, but for free. Alas, earning money makes most of us do things we'd rather not do.
This could not have come at a better time for me. I'm launching my own newsletter after a devastating job loss and I've been struggling with so many of these questions.
Do I have to dedicate myself to marketing it? I think I have something valuable and relatively new to say (it's about youth liberation/family abolition/social reproduction theory) but is anybody going to care if I can't work the algorithm? Does it matter? I'd like to write a book eventually, is there any way to get published that doesn't involve going through this meat grinder?
I launched the site yesterday. I've been so anxious. Thank you for reminding me not to take it all so seriously. :)
I needed this. most of it is general good life advice for existing online in the 21st century
The algorithm is like a radio station request line that is always open.
Great post.
I don't have a following, and I'm not trying to build one, and I still get anxiety from reddit notifications for the reason you describe.