I don’t really have experience with the queer community in person (I rarely go anywhere, and have lived mostly in small towns and conservative areas since I realized I was bisexual in my 30’s) but I’ve definitely run up against biphobia quite frequently online just chatting with people. Like you said, it feels even worse to get that from people in your own community. I think you make a really good point about people not liking things that don’t fall into neat categories. Beyond people’s own biases and phobias around those identities, the idea that people who are bisexual or on the ace spectrum or non-binary are somehow just wishy-washy people who are making the community “look bad” is far too pervasive.
It also really creates a disconnect to the broader queer community because your history, how you contributed to queer organizing and liberation just isn't as widely known, and it really messes you up when you don't have a sense of pride and identity, when everyone thinks you're just Lacking something, or refusing to choose a side, and you haven't met the right person yet. When in reality, it's just as rich an experience as being gay or lesbian. I'm aromantic and asexual, and it affects the way I experience my gender, my values, and it made me think really deeply about the politics and various moving parts of desire and intimacy, how it intersects with various marginalizations, and I was really proud of my community for the essays and thought they put into that. Does it mean we're perfect? No, the mainstream online community tends to be pretty white. But it gave me self esteem for being aroace, compared to when i didnt have a community
I don’t really have experience with the queer community in person (I rarely go anywhere, and have lived mostly in small towns and conservative areas since I realized I was bisexual in my 30’s) but I’ve definitely run up against biphobia quite frequently online just chatting with people. Like you said, it feels even worse to get that from people in your own community. I think you make a really good point about people not liking things that don’t fall into neat categories. Beyond people’s own biases and phobias around those identities, the idea that people who are bisexual or on the ace spectrum or non-binary are somehow just wishy-washy people who are making the community “look bad” is far too pervasive.
It also really creates a disconnect to the broader queer community because your history, how you contributed to queer organizing and liberation just isn't as widely known, and it really messes you up when you don't have a sense of pride and identity, when everyone thinks you're just Lacking something, or refusing to choose a side, and you haven't met the right person yet. When in reality, it's just as rich an experience as being gay or lesbian. I'm aromantic and asexual, and it affects the way I experience my gender, my values, and it made me think really deeply about the politics and various moving parts of desire and intimacy, how it intersects with various marginalizations, and I was really proud of my community for the essays and thought they put into that. Does it mean we're perfect? No, the mainstream online community tends to be pretty white. But it gave me self esteem for being aroace, compared to when i didnt have a community