This pins EXACTLY what issues I have but couldn’t articulate about RSD. Not its existence as a phenomenon, but how we use it to seemingly delegitimize real fears many of us have in response to being rebuffed in so many ways by the systems and people around us. I can work my at through my reaction, temper it, soothe it in all my therapized ways. However I cannot make the world around me understand me enough to not pose a real threat, only hope to create a network of people who do.
This is spot on. I was humiliated and bullied as a kid too, and couldn't tell when people were being deliberately cruel to me or just in a bad mood, so I became super sensitive to any possible signs someone might hurt me. It's not "dysregulation," it's a smart tactic.
That said, I do think I also experience "rejection sensitive dysphoria" which is just extremely sensitive mirror neurons. That is, there are times I know someone isn't really that upset with me, and it's not a big deal, and mentally I am fine, but my heart still starts racing and I still start crying because their mood triggers a synaesthetic response in my nervous system that I can't control no matter what's going on in my head...
THIS! Really articulates well how I feel about RSD. Not to mention the mere bias of whose “breakdowns” or fraught emotional state are normalized/legitimized. It’s fine when (usually white) men lose their shit, often even PRAISED for being masculine. It’s always someone else’s fault for either the breakdown itself, or for taking umbridge with it. Yet when women/enbies/poc etc. have emotions—considered legitimate or not, it’s pathologized, or ascribed as an essential part of that marginalized identity—black folks are “angry,” women are “emotional” or “fragile.” What would the world look like if we pathologized emotional reactions in white men like we did the rest of the world?
To a degree, I saw this with trump, but it so often rang of armchair diagnoses and/or liberals’ attempts to explain away the behavior as something subhuman, that only complete monsters or animals are capable of. And, figuratively speaking, yeah, he IS a monster, but tying it to mental illness not only is detrimental and invaliding to neurodivergent folks in a number of ways, but oversimplifies a grimmer reality: that, with the right cocktail of fear, propaganda, entitlement, and timing, anyone could succumb to this. It’s a similar conversation to one often had about Hitler.
Another issue I see not brought up enough about RSD is what I think of as an “iceberg of masking.” I feel like when I or other neurodivergent folks are bothered by something, or even calmly assert a boundary, folks only see the reaction, and often fail to understand, empathize, or care about what preceded that reaction. They don’t understand it as a phenomenon of the straw breaking the camel’s back, but as having low stamina for discordant situations. At work, for example, I’d get shit for calling out sexism and ableism hurled at me, but the ratio of times that folks WERE sexist and ableist to the amount of times I even said anything about it has a very wide difference. Maybe I’m edgy today, but it’s because I’ve been keeping my cool about everything else, and as a human, not even a neurodivergent person, I need wider berth and benefit of the doubt.
Frankly, I don't think mental illnesses are even defined. We can look at depression as a clear example. Symptoms of depression can be caused by faulty diet - including malnutrition and poisoning which includes drugs, by physical injury (body), emotional stress like the loss of job or a life partner, mental stress like insoluble problems or mental injury, spiritual stress like loss of faith or hope, or community stress from isolation to physical, mental, emotional, or social abuse. It the cause is short term, like the loss of a life partner, it's called symptoms of depression, not the disease depression. If the cause(s) are long term, it's the incurable disease "depression". When multiple causes are present, it's more likely to be long lasting. No attention is paid to cause. If the cause(a) is found, and addressed and the illness is cured - it was only symptoms, caused by the cause, it wasn't "the disease depression." It was only signs and symptoms of depression, caused by the cause. The "disease depression" is incurable, so if it was cured, it wasn't the disease. QED
This pins EXACTLY what issues I have but couldn’t articulate about RSD. Not its existence as a phenomenon, but how we use it to seemingly delegitimize real fears many of us have in response to being rebuffed in so many ways by the systems and people around us. I can work my at through my reaction, temper it, soothe it in all my therapized ways. However I cannot make the world around me understand me enough to not pose a real threat, only hope to create a network of people who do.
Thank you for your work that so often makes me feel seen and accepted, that advocates for a kinder, more just world <3
This is spot on. I was humiliated and bullied as a kid too, and couldn't tell when people were being deliberately cruel to me or just in a bad mood, so I became super sensitive to any possible signs someone might hurt me. It's not "dysregulation," it's a smart tactic.
That said, I do think I also experience "rejection sensitive dysphoria" which is just extremely sensitive mirror neurons. That is, there are times I know someone isn't really that upset with me, and it's not a big deal, and mentally I am fine, but my heart still starts racing and I still start crying because their mood triggers a synaesthetic response in my nervous system that I can't control no matter what's going on in my head...
THIS! Really articulates well how I feel about RSD. Not to mention the mere bias of whose “breakdowns” or fraught emotional state are normalized/legitimized. It’s fine when (usually white) men lose their shit, often even PRAISED for being masculine. It’s always someone else’s fault for either the breakdown itself, or for taking umbridge with it. Yet when women/enbies/poc etc. have emotions—considered legitimate or not, it’s pathologized, or ascribed as an essential part of that marginalized identity—black folks are “angry,” women are “emotional” or “fragile.” What would the world look like if we pathologized emotional reactions in white men like we did the rest of the world?
To a degree, I saw this with trump, but it so often rang of armchair diagnoses and/or liberals’ attempts to explain away the behavior as something subhuman, that only complete monsters or animals are capable of. And, figuratively speaking, yeah, he IS a monster, but tying it to mental illness not only is detrimental and invaliding to neurodivergent folks in a number of ways, but oversimplifies a grimmer reality: that, with the right cocktail of fear, propaganda, entitlement, and timing, anyone could succumb to this. It’s a similar conversation to one often had about Hitler.
Another issue I see not brought up enough about RSD is what I think of as an “iceberg of masking.” I feel like when I or other neurodivergent folks are bothered by something, or even calmly assert a boundary, folks only see the reaction, and often fail to understand, empathize, or care about what preceded that reaction. They don’t understand it as a phenomenon of the straw breaking the camel’s back, but as having low stamina for discordant situations. At work, for example, I’d get shit for calling out sexism and ableism hurled at me, but the ratio of times that folks WERE sexist and ableist to the amount of times I even said anything about it has a very wide difference. Maybe I’m edgy today, but it’s because I’ve been keeping my cool about everything else, and as a human, not even a neurodivergent person, I need wider berth and benefit of the doubt.
Or, at least, that’s my experience.
Frankly, I don't think mental illnesses are even defined. We can look at depression as a clear example. Symptoms of depression can be caused by faulty diet - including malnutrition and poisoning which includes drugs, by physical injury (body), emotional stress like the loss of job or a life partner, mental stress like insoluble problems or mental injury, spiritual stress like loss of faith or hope, or community stress from isolation to physical, mental, emotional, or social abuse. It the cause is short term, like the loss of a life partner, it's called symptoms of depression, not the disease depression. If the cause(s) are long term, it's the incurable disease "depression". When multiple causes are present, it's more likely to be long lasting. No attention is paid to cause. If the cause(a) is found, and addressed and the illness is cured - it was only symptoms, caused by the cause, it wasn't "the disease depression." It was only signs and symptoms of depression, caused by the cause. The "disease depression" is incurable, so if it was cured, it wasn't the disease. QED