I needed this so badly in this moment. After becoming disabled from the adverse side effects of SSRIs and long Covid, I’ve become increasingly risk averse. This has limited my ability to connect with not only others but myself. For instance, I’ve recently been contemplating pursuing hormone therapy, but I’ve been too terrified to take the leap because of the previous unwanted and unforeseen consequences of medication on my body and sexuality. But change will happen either way, so I’ve been trying to embrace the idea of taking matters into my own hands instead of letting my fear be my guide. Thank you. Sincerely.
Thank you for this ❤️ "risk admission" and recognizing that we're always choosing between different risks is such a helpful reframing.
In the spirit of centering the most marginalized, herpes *can* have long-term adverse health effects on the body, if that body is or becomes immunocompromised. But that doesn't change your take-home point - immunocompromised folks are also just as capable and just as deserving of the ability to decide whether admitting that risk into their life is worth whatever they may gain from potential exposures 🔥🔥🔥
Thank you, and yes, that's true! For a lot of people, herpes can exist in the body without any apparent ill affects for the rest of their life, but there is a possibility of complications -- including truly rare and bizarre ones, such as the virus passing the blood-brain barrier and causing a person to believe they are dead (a very interesting neurological case study I once read).
Thank you for this, beautifully said and structured/interconnected (as is life). I got top surgery recently and your description of your feelings about it resonates so much! I moved out of my parents' house in order to do so and am currently feeling the weight of the question "should I regret this?" -- not because I feel shame, but because I don't. I hope to grow more comfortable in being validated by comfort rather than regret.
And the wish from autistic people that there were iron-clad rules... god, yeah. There are times hermitude sounds like a dream because of the constant changes and potential risks that engaging with social society presents. It's difficult to trust others when I only know what they show/tell me (and even that can be dishonest or subject to change), instead of how I know myself. I have mixed feelings about the idea that "to love is to be annoyed" ... but I want other people to stay with me, even if i annoy them, so I'll continue reminding myself that patience is a two-way street and annoyance is not necessarily suffering in silence but more volunteering myself to be inconvenienced for the sake of someone else's well-being.
Thank you so much for writing this and sharing your wisdom. I needed to read this and I am so thankful I did. “Risk admission” is something I’m going to keep thinking about all the time now. Thank you
Thank you for continuing to share your writing. I can't wait to read your book on shame. I needed to read this today. Puritanism is something I constantly bitch about and it's so pervasive I still find little nooks inside me that it has crammed itself into. This entire era since the start of the pandemic has personally brought burnout, grief, and massive internal reckoning. I think I'm finally at a milestone in my burnout and growth surrounding my sexuality and gender that finally isn't painful in some way. This piece has got me reframing and inspired. I appreciate you, thanks!
I loved this, it found me at the right time. I’ve been dealing with a rough patch related to HRT and this gave me a better idea of how to think about it. You always have to consider the flipside to risk. What if you don’t take it?
this piece is both great in discussing risk in some ways that feel needed, and falls severely short with the discussion of covid. so much of what you said about transitioning police escalation, yes! the walking into kettling is such trash and liberalism is inundating protests. similar with STIs, we are in an era of increasing prep accessibility and knowing U=U, this is good. however it does kind of connect to like.. you can risk STIs and go through rounds of antibiotics, until you can't (you know this, but im speaking to temporary ability, and not just the idea of "you'll do x until you can't anymore" -- we often feel this way -- but that "you can't anymore" can come much much sooner than we think).
"privilege" isn't the most salient metric everywhere, but you have the privilege of having unprotected sex without the reasonable fear that getting an STI will be the last illness you get since you're immunocompromised or specifically disabled in xyz way. yes you choose what you do with your body as everyone does, but there are some people who have lost the access to or have never gotten to fuck raw anonymously and shit like that etc. at all even though wouldn't that be nice.
here is my critique. i do not intend to shame & if it takes on that tone thennnn i would genuinely like help elucidating the difference between "shaming people" and "trying to pursue accountability" (NOT interpersonally ik it's different!! but you are writing on this topic in a public place for other people to read so there's Some responsibility to be had right? & we are talking about radicalism?)
>> "But I didn’t get COVID. The risk of outdoor transmission was, and remains, relatively low." 1. it is very hard to know if you did or didn't get covid unless you got a PCR or near-PCR quality (like blood or molecular) test. if it was through a rapid antigen, those are incredibly unreliable. also asymptomatic transmission is a LOT of covid transmission. if you actually didn't, then that is awesome, genuinely!
2. the risk of outdoor transmission is not "relatively low" unfortunately, magical thinking atp. comparatively lower to indoors? of course, especially since most of the US doesn't care about air filtration standards like other infrastructure. but you really do have to think of covid as spreading like smoke; in a crowd like a concert or a protest or dining outdoors at the same table with tables around you, you're going to smell weed or tobacoo across the way (olfactory particles are smaller than aerosols, that's how you can still smell things through a k/n95; but they travel much the same way because it's about air exchanges yk).
if the fact that covid is frequently transmitted outdoors is new information that is because the CDC is deliberately being eugenicist for the sake of the economy and ignoring what other health organizations like the WHO (also begrudgingly) admitted. (i'm sure you don't need met to tell you this but it bears repeating here). the CDC ignores established practices, like with HICPAC recently recommending surgical masks over N95s even though this is literally going to worsen nosocomial infection, which is already rampant. "long covid clinics" by and large are well known for not mandating masks and treating patients like shit (although unsurprising re: chronic illness ableism as a whole), there's lax if any masking policies at NICUs or cancer clinics).
>>"A guy I know who masks and tests religiously caught COVID while fisting someone (with a gloved hand!) at an air-filtered party" was he wearing a mask/the only one wearing a mask? this isn't meant to be as a gotcha, if he was masking then yeah it happens (i hope others at the party would be masking too, unless they needed to use their mouth yk). plus, again, "tests religiously" with rapids? does religiously mean once a week, because that is much more often than other people test (i don't test that much bc i can't afford to, masking is cheaper and more reliable) but you literally need to use several rapid tests days in a row to lower the unfortunately high chance of getting a false negative.
if he wasn't wearing a mask then air filtration can mean quite variable risk. if there was one hepa filter in the corner that's better than nothing but not great. if there was adequate filtration but no one was masking, there is still a very reasonable chance of getting covid (remember -- how big is this place, how many people are masking, are the people not masking 100% positive they're not sick, even with asymptomatic covid and fucked rapid tests that insurance no longer covers? four people chain-smoking cigarettes in an apartment would take a Lot of filtration to dispel).
i'm not harping on these details bc we need to get this granular and interrogate one another constantly and delineate morals or w/e -- i'm focusing on details in this article because some of what we Do know about covid is how transmissible it is and how to prevent transmitting it, and that there are some 'harm reduction' steps that still perpetuate harm, or mitigation steps that become near-useless when public health knowledge has been propagandized worse than ever.
if your friend was masking and maybe no one else or few other people were, one-way masking isn't foolproof and the thing is? longcovid is common. longcovid means a million things but the things it exacerbates/induces/mimics (me/cfs, heds, pots/oi, mcas; other dysautonomia, earlier onset dementia and cancer and cardiovascular issues) are numerous and concurrent, and we literally don't know how bad it can be for you after more than 5/6 years. even then so much of the research is drying up outside of CBT/GET hell. i do not blame your friend if they don't know this and the same goes for you and most people, but the information is out there and MANY radical queers and socialists who think themselves aware of the risks and having made a sound assessment are just deeply under/misinformed. with hiv/aids (which yes is an apt comparison, it does fuck with your immune system that much), onset of symptoms that actually kills you? can be up to 8yrs.
i know in this era of sexual ''puritanism'' in neolib reactionaries who think public sex is gross and BDSM is immoral or whatever it may seem like people calling for mask mandated protests and such seem to be overly cautious or controlling, inflicting moral scrupulosity and shaming etc on others. yeah some are libs. but this is genuinely one of the worst global health disasters since HIV/AIDS, both w/ covid being very transmissible and multiply damaging (moreso through chronic symptoms than acute atp but it's there). post-viral sequelae have always been bad folks at the forefront of disability justice organizing are urging everyone who can wear a respirator to do so because it is ripping through schools and hospitals and then everywhere else.
if someone cannot wear a mask/struggles to wear a mask at a protest consistently due to disability, should they still go? of course they should, esp if others can mask to make spaces accessible for them (ex. Alice Wong and other people who cannot mask in these spaces since they literally have a trach, or were born without a jaw, etc..). but if no one who is masking can be.. well then that's the individual problem of those disabled people right? that's not something people who breathe covid while unmasked into a shared space have to worry about right? and it's a priority for protest and community and health spaces sure, but i mean, punk shows and rope bites and bdsm clubs and bars, that's where i don't wanna think about risk, i'm not putting my mask on there. people too disabled to go somewhere with the majority of people not masking can make their own event.
is that not the logic here? am i misunderstanding? i know we can't tell each other what to to do. but it truly feels like this rhetoric reads as, "if you can't take the risks? i'm sorry i guess it's not for you. don't come. make your own thing."
I needed this so badly in this moment. After becoming disabled from the adverse side effects of SSRIs and long Covid, I’ve become increasingly risk averse. This has limited my ability to connect with not only others but myself. For instance, I’ve recently been contemplating pursuing hormone therapy, but I’ve been too terrified to take the leap because of the previous unwanted and unforeseen consequences of medication on my body and sexuality. But change will happen either way, so I’ve been trying to embrace the idea of taking matters into my own hands instead of letting my fear be my guide. Thank you. Sincerely.
May you continue to change bravely, in some directions you enjoy, and in ones you can figure out how to live with if you don't!
Thank you for this ❤️ "risk admission" and recognizing that we're always choosing between different risks is such a helpful reframing.
In the spirit of centering the most marginalized, herpes *can* have long-term adverse health effects on the body, if that body is or becomes immunocompromised. But that doesn't change your take-home point - immunocompromised folks are also just as capable and just as deserving of the ability to decide whether admitting that risk into their life is worth whatever they may gain from potential exposures 🔥🔥🔥
Thank you, and yes, that's true! For a lot of people, herpes can exist in the body without any apparent ill affects for the rest of their life, but there is a possibility of complications -- including truly rare and bizarre ones, such as the virus passing the blood-brain barrier and causing a person to believe they are dead (a very interesting neurological case study I once read).
This is so, so good. Thank you.
Thank you for this, beautifully said and structured/interconnected (as is life). I got top surgery recently and your description of your feelings about it resonates so much! I moved out of my parents' house in order to do so and am currently feeling the weight of the question "should I regret this?" -- not because I feel shame, but because I don't. I hope to grow more comfortable in being validated by comfort rather than regret.
And the wish from autistic people that there were iron-clad rules... god, yeah. There are times hermitude sounds like a dream because of the constant changes and potential risks that engaging with social society presents. It's difficult to trust others when I only know what they show/tell me (and even that can be dishonest or subject to change), instead of how I know myself. I have mixed feelings about the idea that "to love is to be annoyed" ... but I want other people to stay with me, even if i annoy them, so I'll continue reminding myself that patience is a two-way street and annoyance is not necessarily suffering in silence but more volunteering myself to be inconvenienced for the sake of someone else's well-being.
Thank you so much for writing this and sharing your wisdom. I needed to read this and I am so thankful I did. “Risk admission” is something I’m going to keep thinking about all the time now. Thank you
Thank you for continuing to share your writing. I can't wait to read your book on shame. I needed to read this today. Puritanism is something I constantly bitch about and it's so pervasive I still find little nooks inside me that it has crammed itself into. This entire era since the start of the pandemic has personally brought burnout, grief, and massive internal reckoning. I think I'm finally at a milestone in my burnout and growth surrounding my sexuality and gender that finally isn't painful in some way. This piece has got me reframing and inspired. I appreciate you, thanks!
I loved this, it found me at the right time. I’ve been dealing with a rough patch related to HRT and this gave me a better idea of how to think about it. You always have to consider the flipside to risk. What if you don’t take it?
this piece is both great in discussing risk in some ways that feel needed, and falls severely short with the discussion of covid. so much of what you said about transitioning police escalation, yes! the walking into kettling is such trash and liberalism is inundating protests. similar with STIs, we are in an era of increasing prep accessibility and knowing U=U, this is good. however it does kind of connect to like.. you can risk STIs and go through rounds of antibiotics, until you can't (you know this, but im speaking to temporary ability, and not just the idea of "you'll do x until you can't anymore" -- we often feel this way -- but that "you can't anymore" can come much much sooner than we think).
"privilege" isn't the most salient metric everywhere, but you have the privilege of having unprotected sex without the reasonable fear that getting an STI will be the last illness you get since you're immunocompromised or specifically disabled in xyz way. yes you choose what you do with your body as everyone does, but there are some people who have lost the access to or have never gotten to fuck raw anonymously and shit like that etc. at all even though wouldn't that be nice.
here is my critique. i do not intend to shame & if it takes on that tone thennnn i would genuinely like help elucidating the difference between "shaming people" and "trying to pursue accountability" (NOT interpersonally ik it's different!! but you are writing on this topic in a public place for other people to read so there's Some responsibility to be had right? & we are talking about radicalism?)
>> "But I didn’t get COVID. The risk of outdoor transmission was, and remains, relatively low." 1. it is very hard to know if you did or didn't get covid unless you got a PCR or near-PCR quality (like blood or molecular) test. if it was through a rapid antigen, those are incredibly unreliable. also asymptomatic transmission is a LOT of covid transmission. if you actually didn't, then that is awesome, genuinely!
2. the risk of outdoor transmission is not "relatively low" unfortunately, magical thinking atp. comparatively lower to indoors? of course, especially since most of the US doesn't care about air filtration standards like other infrastructure. but you really do have to think of covid as spreading like smoke; in a crowd like a concert or a protest or dining outdoors at the same table with tables around you, you're going to smell weed or tobacoo across the way (olfactory particles are smaller than aerosols, that's how you can still smell things through a k/n95; but they travel much the same way because it's about air exchanges yk).
if the fact that covid is frequently transmitted outdoors is new information that is because the CDC is deliberately being eugenicist for the sake of the economy and ignoring what other health organizations like the WHO (also begrudgingly) admitted. (i'm sure you don't need met to tell you this but it bears repeating here). the CDC ignores established practices, like with HICPAC recently recommending surgical masks over N95s even though this is literally going to worsen nosocomial infection, which is already rampant. "long covid clinics" by and large are well known for not mandating masks and treating patients like shit (although unsurprising re: chronic illness ableism as a whole), there's lax if any masking policies at NICUs or cancer clinics).
>>"A guy I know who masks and tests religiously caught COVID while fisting someone (with a gloved hand!) at an air-filtered party" was he wearing a mask/the only one wearing a mask? this isn't meant to be as a gotcha, if he was masking then yeah it happens (i hope others at the party would be masking too, unless they needed to use their mouth yk). plus, again, "tests religiously" with rapids? does religiously mean once a week, because that is much more often than other people test (i don't test that much bc i can't afford to, masking is cheaper and more reliable) but you literally need to use several rapid tests days in a row to lower the unfortunately high chance of getting a false negative.
if he wasn't wearing a mask then air filtration can mean quite variable risk. if there was one hepa filter in the corner that's better than nothing but not great. if there was adequate filtration but no one was masking, there is still a very reasonable chance of getting covid (remember -- how big is this place, how many people are masking, are the people not masking 100% positive they're not sick, even with asymptomatic covid and fucked rapid tests that insurance no longer covers? four people chain-smoking cigarettes in an apartment would take a Lot of filtration to dispel).
i'm not harping on these details bc we need to get this granular and interrogate one another constantly and delineate morals or w/e -- i'm focusing on details in this article because some of what we Do know about covid is how transmissible it is and how to prevent transmitting it, and that there are some 'harm reduction' steps that still perpetuate harm, or mitigation steps that become near-useless when public health knowledge has been propagandized worse than ever.
if your friend was masking and maybe no one else or few other people were, one-way masking isn't foolproof and the thing is? longcovid is common. longcovid means a million things but the things it exacerbates/induces/mimics (me/cfs, heds, pots/oi, mcas; other dysautonomia, earlier onset dementia and cancer and cardiovascular issues) are numerous and concurrent, and we literally don't know how bad it can be for you after more than 5/6 years. even then so much of the research is drying up outside of CBT/GET hell. i do not blame your friend if they don't know this and the same goes for you and most people, but the information is out there and MANY radical queers and socialists who think themselves aware of the risks and having made a sound assessment are just deeply under/misinformed. with hiv/aids (which yes is an apt comparison, it does fuck with your immune system that much), onset of symptoms that actually kills you? can be up to 8yrs.
i know in this era of sexual ''puritanism'' in neolib reactionaries who think public sex is gross and BDSM is immoral or whatever it may seem like people calling for mask mandated protests and such seem to be overly cautious or controlling, inflicting moral scrupulosity and shaming etc on others. yeah some are libs. but this is genuinely one of the worst global health disasters since HIV/AIDS, both w/ covid being very transmissible and multiply damaging (moreso through chronic symptoms than acute atp but it's there). post-viral sequelae have always been bad folks at the forefront of disability justice organizing are urging everyone who can wear a respirator to do so because it is ripping through schools and hospitals and then everywhere else.
if someone cannot wear a mask/struggles to wear a mask at a protest consistently due to disability, should they still go? of course they should, esp if others can mask to make spaces accessible for them (ex. Alice Wong and other people who cannot mask in these spaces since they literally have a trach, or were born without a jaw, etc..). but if no one who is masking can be.. well then that's the individual problem of those disabled people right? that's not something people who breathe covid while unmasked into a shared space have to worry about right? and it's a priority for protest and community and health spaces sure, but i mean, punk shows and rope bites and bdsm clubs and bars, that's where i don't wanna think about risk, i'm not putting my mask on there. people too disabled to go somewhere with the majority of people not masking can make their own event.
is that not the logic here? am i misunderstanding? i know we can't tell each other what to to do. but it truly feels like this rhetoric reads as, "if you can't take the risks? i'm sorry i guess it's not for you. don't come. make your own thing."
with love,