Another useful advice: keep a journal !! you will have the strong desire to be seen, to have your version of the story read and validated. That desire can push you to post regrettable things online, or bore your irl friends to death with the details of insane online drama. A journal will massively help with these problems.
While you're on this topic, I'd be interested in whether you have any advice for navigating all the unsuccessful or partial cancellations in an actual social scene (not social media).
For example, your friend was successfully cancelled by some groups of people but you don't believe the accusations (maybe they came from *their* abusive ex) or don't think the harm done warranted cancellation, but you still socialize with people from the groups who did cancel them. Over many years, you've heard shady rumors about a variety of people but don't have enough info to know what *actually* happened, yet you're worried when you see new starry-eyed 20-somethings (or even teens) joining the scene with complete trust for these people. You agree with someone's multiple exes who want to cancel them from the scene for abuse, but a lot of great people are still good friends with them and you frequently run into that person at events.
I feel like the longer I live, the more and more of this stuff weighs on me at any social gathering, and I don't know how that would be avoidable without either moving (cities or scenes) frequently or just, idk, willfully forgetting the past like some people seem capable of.
I really appreciate so much you naming how it's not necessarily the people committing the worst offences but the people who were already disliked that usually get the most severe reactions. It seems so obvious to me, but the reactions I get when I say it let me know I might be next - ha!
Omg the amount of times I have heard about someone getting cancelled from their own posts, and never would have known if they hadn’t posted about it themself!! really good advice here ty 👍👍👍
This is really good. Saving because I anticipate one day I or my kids will need this. It's just a matter of time until someone gets bullied online and cancelled. THANK YOU!
As someone who dealt with a dangerous individual who is literally an abuser spending over two years 'cancelling' me on the internet, this is really good advice. But I will say, anyone who participates in this form of behavior without clear intentions and without very good reason (such as, repeated call-ins were ignored) I am going to distance myself from them and judge them as an immature bully. I'm tired of this pattern of behavior and it almost made me distance myself from the queer community completely.
While my observations have been that the "cancelling" from self-identified "Right Wing" groups has been more harsh than from self-identified "Left Wing" groups, I don't subscribe to either.
Each are based on individualism, and I don't subscribe to individualism.
When self-identified "progressives" engage in cancellation, it feels like they are punishing other individuals for being successful within Western Worldviews. Rather than observing, questioning and trying to change the underlying worldviews and systems, they fixate on individuals. I don't actually see the value in that, and in fact believe that simply fuels more cancellation across every political spectrum.
Articles like this are also really handy for us fellow autistics. For those who don’t know, and I was no exception to this for years, us autistics tend to get VERY confused when people get argumentative. Because some of us honestly don’t understand that the person isn’t acting out of sheer confusion and we often end up over-explaining ourselves as a result. Which is, as you pointed out, further misconstrued as guilt. Also, if you’ve been arrested for something that you honestly don’t understand, you could end up incriminating yourself even further that way.
Fun fact: 1938-1940 Timothy Leary became a cadet in U.S. Military at West Point, but was a trouble maker. He was shunned and silenced from fellow cadets. This led to court appearances where Timothy then resigned and was honorably discharged from the Army.
Another useful advice: keep a journal !! you will have the strong desire to be seen, to have your version of the story read and validated. That desire can push you to post regrettable things online, or bore your irl friends to death with the details of insane online drama. A journal will massively help with these problems.
While you're on this topic, I'd be interested in whether you have any advice for navigating all the unsuccessful or partial cancellations in an actual social scene (not social media).
For example, your friend was successfully cancelled by some groups of people but you don't believe the accusations (maybe they came from *their* abusive ex) or don't think the harm done warranted cancellation, but you still socialize with people from the groups who did cancel them. Over many years, you've heard shady rumors about a variety of people but don't have enough info to know what *actually* happened, yet you're worried when you see new starry-eyed 20-somethings (or even teens) joining the scene with complete trust for these people. You agree with someone's multiple exes who want to cancel them from the scene for abuse, but a lot of great people are still good friends with them and you frequently run into that person at events.
I feel like the longer I live, the more and more of this stuff weighs on me at any social gathering, and I don't know how that would be avoidable without either moving (cities or scenes) frequently or just, idk, willfully forgetting the past like some people seem capable of.
I really appreciate so much you naming how it's not necessarily the people committing the worst offences but the people who were already disliked that usually get the most severe reactions. It seems so obvious to me, but the reactions I get when I say it let me know I might be next - ha!
Omg the amount of times I have heard about someone getting cancelled from their own posts, and never would have known if they hadn’t posted about it themself!! really good advice here ty 👍👍👍
Yepp!! No Self Snitching 2025!!! lol
This is really good. Saving because I anticipate one day I or my kids will need this. It's just a matter of time until someone gets bullied online and cancelled. THANK YOU!
As someone who dealt with a dangerous individual who is literally an abuser spending over two years 'cancelling' me on the internet, this is really good advice. But I will say, anyone who participates in this form of behavior without clear intentions and without very good reason (such as, repeated call-ins were ignored) I am going to distance myself from them and judge them as an immature bully. I'm tired of this pattern of behavior and it almost made me distance myself from the queer community completely.
While my observations have been that the "cancelling" from self-identified "Right Wing" groups has been more harsh than from self-identified "Left Wing" groups, I don't subscribe to either.
Each are based on individualism, and I don't subscribe to individualism.
When self-identified "progressives" engage in cancellation, it feels like they are punishing other individuals for being successful within Western Worldviews. Rather than observing, questioning and trying to change the underlying worldviews and systems, they fixate on individuals. I don't actually see the value in that, and in fact believe that simply fuels more cancellation across every political spectrum.
Articles like this are also really handy for us fellow autistics. For those who don’t know, and I was no exception to this for years, us autistics tend to get VERY confused when people get argumentative. Because some of us honestly don’t understand that the person isn’t acting out of sheer confusion and we often end up over-explaining ourselves as a result. Which is, as you pointed out, further misconstrued as guilt. Also, if you’ve been arrested for something that you honestly don’t understand, you could end up incriminating yourself even further that way.
Really great piece! Thank you!
Fun fact: 1938-1940 Timothy Leary became a cadet in U.S. Military at West Point, but was a trouble maker. He was shunned and silenced from fellow cadets. This led to court appearances where Timothy then resigned and was honorably discharged from the Army.