I really identified with this piece, Devon! I've struggled with this for the better part of 6 years since moving into my own home. Loqi is the cutest little kitty! :) Welcome to Cat Parenting! My boys have been with me for nearly 10 years now, and the joy they have brought me in that time is incalculable. Cheers to you for doing the hard work of sorting and working through the financial trauma inadvertently bestowed upon you by your family. It isn't easy, but it is worth it. YOU are worth the freedom from these outdated views, which yes, kept you safe in a capitalist hellscape, but no longer serve you. It's ok, even encouraged, to have nice things. :)
I cried through so much of this. So glad you found your place and your people, at least for now and maybe for a long time. It tells me maybe there could be something like this for me to love eventually, too.
This piece spoke to me deeply. My partner and i bought our first house this year and I only recently realised how much it had messed me up. Such a big change. This piece really helped me process some of my feelings about it, and some of the old baggage i have been carrying around from long term renting.
I couldn't peel my eyes off the screen as I read through this piece. Who knew the cat distribution system contained the power to help someone breathe such a lovely warmth and vibrancy into their prose? Many, many thanks for sharing this gift.
What a great piece, it made me think of my own family's (marked by generations of serfhood and poverty) relationship to things and animals. Especially cats, understood as outdoor farm mice-catching animals that will die within few years (often lost away from home) but leave some new litter to replace them, or at least the part of litter that "makes it through". Nowadays my grandparents take the cats to the vet sometimes, buy some wet food and spay (but only females bc "that's what matters", if male cats continue breeding somewhere else it's "not their problem"), but it's still light years away from my millenial and zoomer friends who "pamper" their indoor cats and can recite a litany of problems about outdoor cats as a concept (and who can afford that and have access to "modern" information and norms abt cats, often in English, not my L1). And from that stemming even more thoughts about the role of "covert neglect" through generations, that don't form a coherent comment anymore.
Thank you for sharing this journey and transformation! As someone who has also been renting my whole adult life and grew up in poverty, I really understood where you were coming from with your experiences. This really helped me reflect on how I've seen my relationship with different rentals over the years. This has inspired me to maybe write an essay about the place I live in now - still a rental but the first place I've ever lived in where I actually have adequate living space. It's really interesting to reflect on how our spaces shape us and vice versa. Also, I'm so happy for you and Loqi :)
Hot dang, really calling me out here. Especially the compulsive minimalism. Not at all shocking, because I too grew up poor with parents who did the best they could, but were too fucked up/disabled themselves. (Like many people reading this probably.) I've been taking baby-steps to get out of this, putting up some art I made/got, building actually good furniture, and got some plants as a gift for helping out friends that are still alive almost 2 years in. Hopefully one day I'll be able to look back and say to myself, dang bitch, you found your way out.
Also, the utter disregard bred by being ground down by renting and constantly moving, that leads to dumping cat litter down the toilet, or fryer oil down the drain, really feels like a corollary of the Trashed Bathroom Syndrome: when you have fuck-all control over your environment, destroying it feels like the only way to assert it.
such a beautiful story. mass consumption can't persist without mass disposal. knowing disposal, seeing it in the scrolling, the plastic, and the people who are not (or no longer) fit for capitalism's maw, it helps me take note of what is right to consume and how much. especially of the love of kitties. knowing how much of me they consume (or how much of me i give). giving and taking can be a muddy mess with the language we have, but this story and it's meaning is a gift. thanks ^.^
This is a beautiful piece. <3 It leaves me wondering if that ability to create home and stability and a sense of permanence is only possible if you've made peace with yourself, first.
I think the material aspects came before the internal ones for me -- having adequate resources and stability is what made it possible for me to make peace with myself.
I’m from Brazil, and here all we know about autism it’s nothing. Right now I’m a PhD psychologist at the biggest university here, UFRJ. I’m coordinating the Psychology Department since 2023 at Institute of Neurology.My intention and desire is to create the first free service for adults on the neurodiversity spectrum (through the SUS, the Brazilian Unified Health System, where all services are public and free). But what is advocated here about autism refers to the classic picture and what is heard most is “you can’t be autistic” or “I think they misdiagnosed you”. I am an E2, I am gifted and I am autistic, in addition to ADHD. But here, it seems impossible to have attention, or support. But I must go on, and reading your books and using it as bibliography in the subjects I teach, I found a very especial kind of support. I have recommended your publications to my students, and I needed to create a new work front in Neurology and Psychology, here at the institute, but I stopped by to thank you. I believe that you do not understand the importance of this in countries outside the scientific circuit. We are a country considered “third world” and for this reason, the large chemical and pharmaceutical industries dominate the information that can even reach medical training in undergraduate and postgraduate studies. Thank you, many of my patients also read you, and this brings hope and strength to them. My gratitude!
This piece brings up so many thoughts, feelings and issues. Owning, caring, tending, 'husbanding' and so forth- sustaining oneself, body, children and or pets- the living and more static parts of our environment - the 'how it is' - 'how it used to be - 'how it should be' play havoc - conpeting values jumbling and layering in my mind.
When I was young, my father's career brought new privilege to him and my mother. My four grandparents, all poor but smart - optimistic - self-taught immigrants- saw frugality, birth control and education as keys to opportunity.
Many mixed messages arrived to us, the 'safe from poverty' generation. My grandparents had old-fashioned stuff, rarely or never replaced. At that time 1920s to 1960s at least, furniture, cars, buildings and appliances were expensive & made to last. They fixed, sewed, repaired etc. It was natural to safeguard what you had.
My own parents continued to practice a pretty radical frugality, while occasionally splurging on a high quality item or experience. They took care of it and didnt shower us with toys or clothing, not much besides books. Meals out/fast food was not a thing.
Record albums is what we first might have collected.
All this changes completely in the 70s, 80s and onward. Replacing and updating cheap with cheap, including in buildings.
Superficially bright shiny things that quickly lose substance and value.
Thanks for writing this. It was in the back of my mind a few nights ago when we had bad weather and people in my state were losing power, and my heat had been off for a few hours due to a weird apartment issue. Before I moved here, two of my windows were improperly installed and not sealed to the sill, creating small, visible cracks that let in light and cold air. The day after that cold night, I did something about it and bought caulk and backer rods (I didn't even know what backer rods were before then!). Today I sealed those gaps. It's messy and imperfect, but the cold spots by the windows are now gone, and I can tell the shoddy work I did is a significant improvement. I don't think I would've had the confidence, determination, and care to seal those gaps without having read this piece.
Welcome home Devon. For me this is such a lovely and affirming meditation on the value of homemaking, which will always be my most significant vocation.
This piece touched something so raw for me. I'm coming out of a bipolar depressive episode and these last few months have been the hardest months of my entire life. I've never felt such immense sadness. During this time, I found myself fixated on how old my dog is getting these days. During the lowest parts of my depression, I would spend hours crying about how I didn't have the capacity to care for my dog the way he needed me to and that I was letting the end of his life slip away from me. All I could think about was the end and how I couldn't fathom the heartbreak that would bring. Now that I'm healing and in recovery, I am able to view his old age as just another part of our life together. I know that I gave him a great life. And I can also accept that when he does "retire", my love and grief will create something beautiful in me that I will carry into new parts of my future life.
I really identified with this piece, Devon! I've struggled with this for the better part of 6 years since moving into my own home. Loqi is the cutest little kitty! :) Welcome to Cat Parenting! My boys have been with me for nearly 10 years now, and the joy they have brought me in that time is incalculable. Cheers to you for doing the hard work of sorting and working through the financial trauma inadvertently bestowed upon you by your family. It isn't easy, but it is worth it. YOU are worth the freedom from these outdated views, which yes, kept you safe in a capitalist hellscape, but no longer serve you. It's ok, even encouraged, to have nice things. :)
I cried through so much of this. So glad you found your place and your people, at least for now and maybe for a long time. It tells me maybe there could be something like this for me to love eventually, too.
This piece spoke to me deeply. My partner and i bought our first house this year and I only recently realised how much it had messed me up. Such a big change. This piece really helped me process some of my feelings about it, and some of the old baggage i have been carrying around from long term renting.
I couldn't peel my eyes off the screen as I read through this piece. Who knew the cat distribution system contained the power to help someone breathe such a lovely warmth and vibrancy into their prose? Many, many thanks for sharing this gift.
Devon, I have been reading your work for years. This made my heart so happy for you. <3
What a great piece, it made me think of my own family's (marked by generations of serfhood and poverty) relationship to things and animals. Especially cats, understood as outdoor farm mice-catching animals that will die within few years (often lost away from home) but leave some new litter to replace them, or at least the part of litter that "makes it through". Nowadays my grandparents take the cats to the vet sometimes, buy some wet food and spay (but only females bc "that's what matters", if male cats continue breeding somewhere else it's "not their problem"), but it's still light years away from my millenial and zoomer friends who "pamper" their indoor cats and can recite a litany of problems about outdoor cats as a concept (and who can afford that and have access to "modern" information and norms abt cats, often in English, not my L1). And from that stemming even more thoughts about the role of "covert neglect" through generations, that don't form a coherent comment anymore.
Thank you for sharing this journey and transformation! As someone who has also been renting my whole adult life and grew up in poverty, I really understood where you were coming from with your experiences. This really helped me reflect on how I've seen my relationship with different rentals over the years. This has inspired me to maybe write an essay about the place I live in now - still a rental but the first place I've ever lived in where I actually have adequate living space. It's really interesting to reflect on how our spaces shape us and vice versa. Also, I'm so happy for you and Loqi :)
Hot dang, really calling me out here. Especially the compulsive minimalism. Not at all shocking, because I too grew up poor with parents who did the best they could, but were too fucked up/disabled themselves. (Like many people reading this probably.) I've been taking baby-steps to get out of this, putting up some art I made/got, building actually good furniture, and got some plants as a gift for helping out friends that are still alive almost 2 years in. Hopefully one day I'll be able to look back and say to myself, dang bitch, you found your way out.
Also, the utter disregard bred by being ground down by renting and constantly moving, that leads to dumping cat litter down the toilet, or fryer oil down the drain, really feels like a corollary of the Trashed Bathroom Syndrome: when you have fuck-all control over your environment, destroying it feels like the only way to assert it.
such a beautiful story. mass consumption can't persist without mass disposal. knowing disposal, seeing it in the scrolling, the plastic, and the people who are not (or no longer) fit for capitalism's maw, it helps me take note of what is right to consume and how much. especially of the love of kitties. knowing how much of me they consume (or how much of me i give). giving and taking can be a muddy mess with the language we have, but this story and it's meaning is a gift. thanks ^.^
This is a beautiful piece. <3 It leaves me wondering if that ability to create home and stability and a sense of permanence is only possible if you've made peace with yourself, first.
I think the material aspects came before the internal ones for me -- having adequate resources and stability is what made it possible for me to make peace with myself.
I’m from Brazil, and here all we know about autism it’s nothing. Right now I’m a PhD psychologist at the biggest university here, UFRJ. I’m coordinating the Psychology Department since 2023 at Institute of Neurology.My intention and desire is to create the first free service for adults on the neurodiversity spectrum (through the SUS, the Brazilian Unified Health System, where all services are public and free). But what is advocated here about autism refers to the classic picture and what is heard most is “you can’t be autistic” or “I think they misdiagnosed you”. I am an E2, I am gifted and I am autistic, in addition to ADHD. But here, it seems impossible to have attention, or support. But I must go on, and reading your books and using it as bibliography in the subjects I teach, I found a very especial kind of support. I have recommended your publications to my students, and I needed to create a new work front in Neurology and Psychology, here at the institute, but I stopped by to thank you. I believe that you do not understand the importance of this in countries outside the scientific circuit. We are a country considered “third world” and for this reason, the large chemical and pharmaceutical industries dominate the information that can even reach medical training in undergraduate and postgraduate studies. Thank you, many of my patients also read you, and this brings hope and strength to them. My gratitude!
This piece brings up so many thoughts, feelings and issues. Owning, caring, tending, 'husbanding' and so forth- sustaining oneself, body, children and or pets- the living and more static parts of our environment - the 'how it is' - 'how it used to be - 'how it should be' play havoc - conpeting values jumbling and layering in my mind.
When I was young, my father's career brought new privilege to him and my mother. My four grandparents, all poor but smart - optimistic - self-taught immigrants- saw frugality, birth control and education as keys to opportunity.
Many mixed messages arrived to us, the 'safe from poverty' generation. My grandparents had old-fashioned stuff, rarely or never replaced. At that time 1920s to 1960s at least, furniture, cars, buildings and appliances were expensive & made to last. They fixed, sewed, repaired etc. It was natural to safeguard what you had.
My own parents continued to practice a pretty radical frugality, while occasionally splurging on a high quality item or experience. They took care of it and didnt shower us with toys or clothing, not much besides books. Meals out/fast food was not a thing.
Record albums is what we first might have collected.
All this changes completely in the 70s, 80s and onward. Replacing and updating cheap with cheap, including in buildings.
Superficially bright shiny things that quickly lose substance and value.
Oh my god, this is so beautiful. <3
Thanks for writing this. It was in the back of my mind a few nights ago when we had bad weather and people in my state were losing power, and my heat had been off for a few hours due to a weird apartment issue. Before I moved here, two of my windows were improperly installed and not sealed to the sill, creating small, visible cracks that let in light and cold air. The day after that cold night, I did something about it and bought caulk and backer rods (I didn't even know what backer rods were before then!). Today I sealed those gaps. It's messy and imperfect, but the cold spots by the windows are now gone, and I can tell the shoddy work I did is a significant improvement. I don't think I would've had the confidence, determination, and care to seal those gaps without having read this piece.
Welcome home Devon. For me this is such a lovely and affirming meditation on the value of homemaking, which will always be my most significant vocation.
This piece touched something so raw for me. I'm coming out of a bipolar depressive episode and these last few months have been the hardest months of my entire life. I've never felt such immense sadness. During this time, I found myself fixated on how old my dog is getting these days. During the lowest parts of my depression, I would spend hours crying about how I didn't have the capacity to care for my dog the way he needed me to and that I was letting the end of his life slip away from me. All I could think about was the end and how I couldn't fathom the heartbreak that would bring. Now that I'm healing and in recovery, I am able to view his old age as just another part of our life together. I know that I gave him a great life. And I can also accept that when he does "retire", my love and grief will create something beautiful in me that I will carry into new parts of my future life.