Loved this article! I’m very spotty with this and I’m often surprised by what kind of disobedience (of my own) bothers me and what doesn’t. It feels like the higher stakes ones like at work bother me less than ones with much smaller stakes in familial relationships for example. Maybe it comes down to what authority I’ve been taught to respect the most as a child, and not what authority is most dangerous to me as an adult.
Anyway, for anyone who felt momentary retroactive panic for maybe breaking a rule your whole life without realizing it (I like to break rules on purpose knowing the risks, not on accident), from the line “Fail to report a birthday check from your grandma on your taxes”, gift money you receive is not taxable income in the US. Giving a monetary gift is taxable when it’s large enough (the amount changes), but the gift receiver is not accountable to the IRS.
This is usually the moment where I would delete this comment because saying anything online and drawing attention to myself makes me panic, but in the spirit of the article, I am trying to sit with the distress and leaving it.
This is such an important subject! Being able to say no and be noncompliant without worry or hesitation can save you from SA, or being a victim in any situation. It’s a skill worth sharpening. Practice lying. Not being able to do these things puts us at a huge disadvantage. Break a law! Break a rule! Steal from a corporation if you know you won’t get caught or the penalty is low & worth the risk. Practice breaking out of your comfort zone. Be weird in front of people you will never see again. Practice, practice, practice, my people!
This is one of my favorite things I've read in awhile. Cheered all the way through! If all my fellow autistic folx self-actualized and broke free of society's constraints, we'd be a force to be feared by all those who benefit from our submission and the maintenence of their social constructs, opressive systems, and unjust laws, and in my opinion, the world would be a better place as a reault.
Another important skill to cultivate that you touched on a bit is recognizing that there is a rule you could break, and especially doing so while you still have an opportunity to break it. I was trying to rent a bike recently and the lock was broken, which you need to close to end your rental. I couldn't check it out myself as a result, but it only occurred to me afterwards that I could've just taken it with no risk or disadvantage to anyone.
Literally just being “mean” or slightly noncompliant in video games. Sometimes, if I’m playing breath of the wild, I’ll choose a slightly more neutral dialogue option rather than a fawning one.
In Baldur’s Gate, playing as someone who’s more direct and less polite, and sometimes going all-out and being evil, has been really therapeutic, in a way, both in getting over the fear, practicing saying no, and seeing people reasonably dealing with my saying no.
I’m actually pretty new to role-playing games, and didn’t even play DND before I played BG3, and now I’m really interested to see how this can help even more.
Hell, it’s been revolutionary to just sit and play in my own world in video games, and commit to a “lowbrow” leisure activity. I really doubled down earlier this year, when a major surgery literally forced me to sit for six weeks and do nothing. It felt surreal, watching people clean in front of me and get me things, when I did NOTHING in return besides say “thank you.” I had to keep telling myself that it was doctor’s orders, and it was still hard to get over the guilt, fear, and anxiety.
Also surreal was how everyone very kindly checked in on me to see how I was recovering. They were lovely sentiments, though still bizarre for someone who’s struggled with chronic illness and financial instability for as long as I can remember. Is there ever really a time when I’m okay? No, not really. I always need help. But people are much better at responding to acute disasters than long-term issues. I think about it a lot as an autistic person. It’s the reason social support programs like disability, ubi, ebt, welfare, social security, etc., are SUPPOSED to be helpful (well, not lumping ubi with the rest, since it doesn’t exist in the us) but are so gutted in their effectiveness, over complicated, completely insufficient (and hardly if ever rise with inflation), and designed to surveil, control, and kneecap those it’s designed to help.
Sorry that turned into a personal ramble, loved the piece tho!
Loved this article! I’m very spotty with this and I’m often surprised by what kind of disobedience (of my own) bothers me and what doesn’t. It feels like the higher stakes ones like at work bother me less than ones with much smaller stakes in familial relationships for example. Maybe it comes down to what authority I’ve been taught to respect the most as a child, and not what authority is most dangerous to me as an adult.
Anyway, for anyone who felt momentary retroactive panic for maybe breaking a rule your whole life without realizing it (I like to break rules on purpose knowing the risks, not on accident), from the line “Fail to report a birthday check from your grandma on your taxes”, gift money you receive is not taxable income in the US. Giving a monetary gift is taxable when it’s large enough (the amount changes), but the gift receiver is not accountable to the IRS.
This is usually the moment where I would delete this comment because saying anything online and drawing attention to myself makes me panic, but in the spirit of the article, I am trying to sit with the distress and leaving it.
Yes, please leave it! I quite enjoyed reading it.
This is such an important subject! Being able to say no and be noncompliant without worry or hesitation can save you from SA, or being a victim in any situation. It’s a skill worth sharpening. Practice lying. Not being able to do these things puts us at a huge disadvantage. Break a law! Break a rule! Steal from a corporation if you know you won’t get caught or the penalty is low & worth the risk. Practice breaking out of your comfort zone. Be weird in front of people you will never see again. Practice, practice, practice, my people!
This is one of my favorite things I've read in awhile. Cheered all the way through! If all my fellow autistic folx self-actualized and broke free of society's constraints, we'd be a force to be feared by all those who benefit from our submission and the maintenence of their social constructs, opressive systems, and unjust laws, and in my opinion, the world would be a better place as a reault.
Another important skill to cultivate that you touched on a bit is recognizing that there is a rule you could break, and especially doing so while you still have an opportunity to break it. I was trying to rent a bike recently and the lock was broken, which you need to close to end your rental. I couldn't check it out myself as a result, but it only occurred to me afterwards that I could've just taken it with no risk or disadvantage to anyone.
I felt goofy doing this trick but it does help:
Literally just being “mean” or slightly noncompliant in video games. Sometimes, if I’m playing breath of the wild, I’ll choose a slightly more neutral dialogue option rather than a fawning one.
In Baldur’s Gate, playing as someone who’s more direct and less polite, and sometimes going all-out and being evil, has been really therapeutic, in a way, both in getting over the fear, practicing saying no, and seeing people reasonably dealing with my saying no.
I’m actually pretty new to role-playing games, and didn’t even play DND before I played BG3, and now I’m really interested to see how this can help even more.
Hell, it’s been revolutionary to just sit and play in my own world in video games, and commit to a “lowbrow” leisure activity. I really doubled down earlier this year, when a major surgery literally forced me to sit for six weeks and do nothing. It felt surreal, watching people clean in front of me and get me things, when I did NOTHING in return besides say “thank you.” I had to keep telling myself that it was doctor’s orders, and it was still hard to get over the guilt, fear, and anxiety.
Also surreal was how everyone very kindly checked in on me to see how I was recovering. They were lovely sentiments, though still bizarre for someone who’s struggled with chronic illness and financial instability for as long as I can remember. Is there ever really a time when I’m okay? No, not really. I always need help. But people are much better at responding to acute disasters than long-term issues. I think about it a lot as an autistic person. It’s the reason social support programs like disability, ubi, ebt, welfare, social security, etc., are SUPPOSED to be helpful (well, not lumping ubi with the rest, since it doesn’t exist in the us) but are so gutted in their effectiveness, over complicated, completely insufficient (and hardly if ever rise with inflation), and designed to surveil, control, and kneecap those it’s designed to help.
Sorry that turned into a personal ramble, loved the piece tho!
Reading it in 2024. Cheers.