Thank you so much for writing this piece, Devon, as usual you manage to synthesize and articulate the jumbled thoughts and feelings of many of us, while validating, de-stigmatizing, and normalizing diversity.
I've been thinking about aging a lot recently, not having started transitioning until I was nearly 50. The gender-affirming changes I've experienced have occurred just as I passed the cusp of middle age, and so I've had to become comfortable with my body metamorphosing in both joyful and terrifying ways simultaneously. While I'm reveling in the redistribution of fat to my hips and breasts, and my considerably softer skin, I'm also learning to accept that I don't have the energy or physical strength I used to, that my face is losing its formerly youthful look, and that my hair is noticeably thinning.
In addition to the loss of privilege I've experienced as a visibly transgender woman, whose validity and relevance was already in question, I also now have to come to terms with being an *aging* visibly transgender woman who can no longer rely on the bloom of youth to win any favors from the male gaze. As I increasingly recognize older women as my peers, however, one thing I'm noticing is that despite the indignities of frequently being silenced or ignored or talked over, older women know A LOT, and are incredibly capable and wise. I'm looking forward to continuing to count myself among them.
fan-fucking-tastic article. i really related to how transition is realizing there is a version of u thats old and epic and awesome as u are inside, and i love thinking of transition as both that mix of taking an agency over your body and a letting go of all the stuff u are taught to fear and avoid, like fat or ageing or any atrophy. im still working on this so hard but i can really feel the diff of me now, trans girly enby thing vs me before.
also seeing kim gordon release one of the coolest most crazy awesome albums id heard in forever at 71 showed me how swag it could be to be old, and have all this experience and then keep doing cool, new crazy stuff with that experience and elasticity.
thank you for this!!! I have somewhat oddly always looked forward to "being older" on a vague conceptual level because I've almost always been among the youngest and smallest in my peer groups, and never really had a "wild youth" that I'll miss. I've had at least a few gray hairs since I was like 19. Approaching 30 and on T has given my body a feeling of stability and presence that I've yearned for, even though my hair is beginning to thin, my joints are weird, etc. This is such a beautiful essay & I want to send it to everyone I know.
Hi from an over 60, who's always fitted into -and loved - clothing aimed at 14-16 year old boys. (I've made adjustments - I'll wear a baseball cap forever, but not a snapback or "do-you-think-you're-a-teen-skateboarder" kind).
You're writing about something we're all gonna face. So good to see this raised. Getting older is another kind of trans-ing: there's a mis-match between your inside sense of self and what the mirror -and society - tell you. We can face it, work into it and, interestingly, leverage it to talk to cishet people about trans and enby experiences and maybe hit points of empathy and connection. Any cishet woman over 50 will understand the gap between phenomenal sense of self and self as reflected via society, the dilemmas around what intervention to make, how far to go. We can talk to them about post menopause HRT, about Viagra, about surgeries.
I'm an old hippie and use only herbals, so it's always been zero pharma for me. Got to admit I often hit a search for latest research in phytoandrogens; I shove down mountain pollen, avoid soy and ginseng.
We're all finding our comfort space on that dilemma-scape of the serenity prayer! Thanks for your writing.
I really needed this and it is, frankly, one of the most clever and on point piece I've read on the subject in a long time. Would you mind if I translated it in French to share with my local community ? With credits of course.
I am fairly new to your blog, but the timing of this was pretty remarkable. I just started testosterone three weeks ago, and I was hesitating for this very reason--I was scared of becoming an adult with real adult responsibilities (I'm 18), and especially of being seen as a man (ironically). I came around to it, largely through the logic of "well I'm going to get older anyway" and "it's pretty shitty to want to be less responsible for myself/my actions" but I do still have some shame about being hesitant at all.
It's incredibly comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has felt this way, and this was also a welcome reminder to call my grandparents. Thank you!
Thank you so much for writing this piece, Devon, as usual you manage to synthesize and articulate the jumbled thoughts and feelings of many of us, while validating, de-stigmatizing, and normalizing diversity.
I've been thinking about aging a lot recently, not having started transitioning until I was nearly 50. The gender-affirming changes I've experienced have occurred just as I passed the cusp of middle age, and so I've had to become comfortable with my body metamorphosing in both joyful and terrifying ways simultaneously. While I'm reveling in the redistribution of fat to my hips and breasts, and my considerably softer skin, I'm also learning to accept that I don't have the energy or physical strength I used to, that my face is losing its formerly youthful look, and that my hair is noticeably thinning.
In addition to the loss of privilege I've experienced as a visibly transgender woman, whose validity and relevance was already in question, I also now have to come to terms with being an *aging* visibly transgender woman who can no longer rely on the bloom of youth to win any favors from the male gaze. As I increasingly recognize older women as my peers, however, one thing I'm noticing is that despite the indignities of frequently being silenced or ignored or talked over, older women know A LOT, and are incredibly capable and wise. I'm looking forward to continuing to count myself among them.
fuck yeah swag gmas
Hell yes! As a disabled non-binary person with alopecia and atrophic vaginitis, I feel really old, but also kinda lost in time and sort of young.
And yes, ANYBODY can be bald!!!! Dare to be bald, it might be freeing :)
fan-fucking-tastic article. i really related to how transition is realizing there is a version of u thats old and epic and awesome as u are inside, and i love thinking of transition as both that mix of taking an agency over your body and a letting go of all the stuff u are taught to fear and avoid, like fat or ageing or any atrophy. im still working on this so hard but i can really feel the diff of me now, trans girly enby thing vs me before.
also seeing kim gordon release one of the coolest most crazy awesome albums id heard in forever at 71 showed me how swag it could be to be old, and have all this experience and then keep doing cool, new crazy stuff with that experience and elasticity.
Thank you so much for this. As 40-year-old disabled enby struggling with my body changing in ways I don't like, this meant a lot to me.
thank you for this!!! I have somewhat oddly always looked forward to "being older" on a vague conceptual level because I've almost always been among the youngest and smallest in my peer groups, and never really had a "wild youth" that I'll miss. I've had at least a few gray hairs since I was like 19. Approaching 30 and on T has given my body a feeling of stability and presence that I've yearned for, even though my hair is beginning to thin, my joints are weird, etc. This is such a beautiful essay & I want to send it to everyone I know.
I swear so many of your articles seem like you're directly answering my thoughts somehow. Anyway, thank you for this.
Hi from an over 60, who's always fitted into -and loved - clothing aimed at 14-16 year old boys. (I've made adjustments - I'll wear a baseball cap forever, but not a snapback or "do-you-think-you're-a-teen-skateboarder" kind).
You're writing about something we're all gonna face. So good to see this raised. Getting older is another kind of trans-ing: there's a mis-match between your inside sense of self and what the mirror -and society - tell you. We can face it, work into it and, interestingly, leverage it to talk to cishet people about trans and enby experiences and maybe hit points of empathy and connection. Any cishet woman over 50 will understand the gap between phenomenal sense of self and self as reflected via society, the dilemmas around what intervention to make, how far to go. We can talk to them about post menopause HRT, about Viagra, about surgeries.
I'm an old hippie and use only herbals, so it's always been zero pharma for me. Got to admit I often hit a search for latest research in phytoandrogens; I shove down mountain pollen, avoid soy and ginseng.
We're all finding our comfort space on that dilemma-scape of the serenity prayer! Thanks for your writing.
I really needed this and it is, frankly, one of the most clever and on point piece I've read on the subject in a long time. Would you mind if I translated it in French to share with my local community ? With credits of course.
Please do! Thank you for taking the time to make it more accessible.
I am fairly new to your blog, but the timing of this was pretty remarkable. I just started testosterone three weeks ago, and I was hesitating for this very reason--I was scared of becoming an adult with real adult responsibilities (I'm 18), and especially of being seen as a man (ironically). I came around to it, largely through the logic of "well I'm going to get older anyway" and "it's pretty shitty to want to be less responsible for myself/my actions" but I do still have some shame about being hesitant at all.
It's incredibly comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has felt this way, and this was also a welcome reminder to call my grandparents. Thank you!
I needed to read this today, thank you.
beautiful